Broken
by Venka le fay
Summary: Set Directly after Reclaiming. With Donnie awake, everyone thinks everything is going to more or less be back to normal. Unfortunately Donnie's trials are not yet over, and he is going to need his brothers, father, and April more then ever.
1. Chapter 1

Broken

by Venka Le Fay

I don't own Ninja Turtles. TMNT belongs to it's respective creators, please support the official release in whatever incarnation you may fancy.

_He was back in the prison cell. He didn't understand, was last several hours with his family just a hopeful dream. He could vividly remember sitting down with his brothers, father, and April all of them happily eating pizza as if that was the only care they had in the world. Had his reunion with his family just been a hopeful dream?_

_Suddenly the door to the cells flew open and the Shredder stalked in looking quite pleased with himself. He looked at the young turtle chained to the wall with little regard. _

_"I have no further need of you." Shredder said nonchalantly. "I've already learned the location of your subterranean home; Bradford and Xever are leading an army of Foot Soldiers there as we speak. Your master will be brought to me alive…but I have no qualms as to what will happen to your brothers." Karai appeared with two Kraang Droids carrying April O'Neil between them. April's body looked badly beaten and blooded. _

_"April…" Donnie whimpered the human girls name in shock and horror. He wanted to go to her, to reassure her everything would be alright. _

_"It didn't take much for your girlfriend here to talk." Karai smirked. "She resisted the pounding I gave her after she turned herself in, but she sang like a little bird before I slit her father's throat…and I can't wait to do the same to your master." April weakly looked up at Donatello tears falling down her face. _

_"Donnie…." April's voice was nothing more than a sad and frightened whimper. "Donnie…I'm sorry. I had hoped by turning myself in, I'd be able to lead the guys here so they can get you out. I didn't know…I….I'm so sorry."_

_Shredder stalked forward to the turtle chained to the wall. Donnie however he could only see April...he wanted to kill Karai for every bruise and mark the female Kunoichi have put on her beautiful face. But his mind had turning about the shock that April had revealed the location of their lair. Yes it was in the hope of preventing any harm to her father, but still would she honestly have done that. _

_"Have you two said your good-byes, yet?" The Shredder purred sadistically in Donatello's ear as he released the blades of his gauntlet. _

_"You may take her away." Karai said as the Kraang dragged the red haired girl out of Donatello's line of vision._

_"NO!" April screamed in anguish. "DONNIE!"_

_"APRIL!" He screamed after her. "Let her go! Please! Don't let them take her away! I'll do anything you want!"_

_"She's not the one you should be concerned about!" Karai sneered as if it didn't matter one way or another as to what the red heads fate was._

_"You don't understand!" Donnie protested "You're dooming this planet and everyone on it…including yourselves."_

_"Don't worry, you'll see her again!" Shredder sneered as if humanities destruction was not his concern. He raised the claw like blades into the air. "In the next world!" Donatello cried out as the blades arced down towards him._

* * *

"Donnie, wake up!" Leonardo said as he knelt over his younger brother clutching Donatello's shoulders. "You're having a nightmare!" The other turtle continued to thrash and cry out.

"No….April" He said in a half moan half screamed. "Let…her go…"

"Donnie!" Leo yelled, he could hear everyone else starting waking up to the commotion. Fortunately Donnie's screams subsided and he opened his eyes looking about him as if trying to process where he was before they locked onto Leonardo.

"Leo…" He said as if afraid this was the dream.

"Yeah it's me…" Leo answered. Just then the bedroom door flew open, Raph and Mikey both tumbled into the room.

"Are you dudes alright?" Mikey asked in concern.

"We're okay Mikey," Leo answered as he helped Donatello sit up. "Donnie was just having a nightmare."

"I'm sorry…" Donatello whispered softly to his brothers. Mikey at once went to his older brother and gave him a hug.

"Hey, it's alright." Mikey said trying to be reassuring. "If it makes you feel better…I still have nightmares about Dinosaurs." Donnie hugged his younger brother back. Just being able to feel his younger brother's arms around him reassured him this was reality. Leo and Raph seemed to look as one another in concern as if sharing the same thought.

"You sure you're okay Donnie?" Raph asked. Donnie nodded his head tiredly still he felt uneasy; an unease that would only be alleviated by seeing if April was alright with his own eyes. Fortunately the red haired girl also appeared in the door way. Her hair still wet from a recent shower, dressed in her pajamas and a butter yellow fleece robe. Unlike the visage of her that he saw in his dream, she was whole and unharmed. He reached out to her at though wanting to be certain what he saw was real. Obligingly the girl approached him kneeling she wrapped her arms around him holding him like a mother would a frightened child. Before she stood up and returned to her room. Leo quietly ushered Mikey and Raph back to their own room.

Donnie tucked his knees up to his chest, he couldn't help but feel embarrassed; it had all been a bad dream…just a stupid dream. Leo shut the door behind him and returned to his tatami mat. He had expected nightmares, heck he himself had more than a few of them for the past year. And he had had to field more that few of them from one of his brothers at one point or another.

Both boys looked up when they heard a knock on the door. Neither of them were surprised it was Splinter with another cup of tea. Every sickness, every serious injury, every nightmare, this special tea was Splinter's holistic therapy. A bitter blend of herbs that had a soothing earthy aroma, but tasted like tar and vomit, all of them had to drink it at one point or another. Even April when she had caught that small cold several weeks back. And while they did admit it helped a good deal, there were various levels of resistance to being offered this remedy. Mikey and Raph were the most resistant to drinking it, so much so Mikey would even deny he was sick at all if it would prevent the need to drink it. Raph forcibly had to be held down so it could be poured into his mouth, and then he had to be prevented from spitting it out. Leo and Donnie would drink it with little complaint because the sooner it was over with the better.

Even though the tea was meant to help him relax and ease any problems with in his mind and body. He couldn't help but feel like he was purposely being drugged because there was no other way to deal with his issues. Splinter said nothing to either boy, he simply left the tea cup with Leonardo, placing a paw like hand on Donatello's shoulder as a small gesture of fatherly comfort and left the room. Leo didn't hand to the tea cup to Donatello immediately. Instead he held it a moment staring down into the earth brown depths before speaking.

"Do you…" He started to ask as he set the tea down on a small table and pushed his tatami mat closer to Donnie's. "Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes talking about what's scaring you does help elevate nightmares."

"What's there to really say?" Donnie answered. "The nightmare I had was just visions of what I feared would happen while I was the Shredder's prisoner. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually glad April and Splinter didn't turn themselves over to the Shredder for my sake. But I feared somebody would have if not them then maybe one of you." Leo nodded, before handing Donnie the tea cup. The younger turtle looked at it before swallowing it as quickly as he could, grimacing at the flavor of the liquid.

"And here I thought nothing tasted worse than worms and algae." Donnie quipped as he handed the tea cup back to Leonardo and lay down feeling the effects of the tea starting to work. Leo set the tea cup aside before laying down on his tatami mat.

"I'm sorry." Donnie softly apologized once again.

"Don't be…" Leo answered as he wrapped his arm protectively around his younger brother. "You've done nothing to apologize for." Donnie wanted to clarify more but the tea was making it hard for him to keep his eyes open. He sighed as he drifted off to sleep, taking comfort in the gentle thumping of his brother's heart.

* * *

_"Not so tough without your stick, are you." Dogpound sneered with a growl as a battered Donnie struggled to get to his feet again. "You can drop the tough act; you brothers aren't going to come for you."_

_"They'll come." Donnie firmly stated._

_"I highly doubt that," Dogpound growled. "I have Foot Soldiers monitoring the city, none of 'em have seen so much of as a scale of your brothers. Looks like they've left you for dead, and given how ineffective you are as a fighter I wouldn't blame 'em. Why else would your master have given you a bo staff as a weapon? He must have seen how useless you were from the start."_

_"No!" Donnie yelled covering his hears from these comment statements the mutant dog was making. "No, no, no!" His was only saying these things to get him to doubt and betray his family. His brothers were probably doing all they could to try and find him, but with no way to track where he was there wasn't any way of reaching him. But he truly believed…no…he *knew* his brothers were doing all they could to find him. Dogpound only laughed at the Turtle before slamming him into the ground once again with his gigantic fist._

_"Keep denying it, if you want." Dogpound laughed. "But you know what I say is the truth. You're family has left you here to die!"_

_Donnie didn't want to believe it, he refused to. But his mind did start to bring up times he felt belittled, disrespected, and forgotten by his brothers_

_Raph catching his younger brothers arms in the tines of his sai. One arm pulled painfully behind his shell while the other is held aloft._

_"Say hi to Mikey!" Raph snidely said as he held his brother in this humiliating fashion._

_"Hi, Mikey." Raph would say raising his voice almost to a falsetto. "It's me Donnie. I'm so smart, E=MC2..."_

* * *

_"Donnie, I thought you said you knew how to do this?!" Leo demanded in frustration when Donnie began to hesitate on dismantling the mutagen bomb. _

_"I wasn't expecting a design this complex, Leo." Donnie defended. In all honesty this was an explosive he was unfamiliar with. Even with what was at stake, couldn't his older brother understand that? _

_"It's alien technology, what did you expect?!" Leo shot back. "A round ball with a lit fuse and the word "Bomb" written on it!?"_

* * *

_"Look Spike, Donnie has a new stick he can break." Raph snarked to his pet Turtle while Splinter presented the purple masked Turtle with a new Bo Staff._

* * *

_"No! Not Pizza Guy," Mikey cried out in displeasure as the Snakeweed ran off with the innocent delivery boy in his vines. "Take Donnie!"_

* * *

_"You want us to fight against Donnie and Mikey…?" Leo said as if the whole thing sounded like a joke. "Isn't that a little unfair."_

_Far too often it felt that aside from Mikey, he was the family joke. He was the weak one, the expendable one. No one seemed to care about what happened to him. He had never questioned it before because they did habitually tease one another; it was one of the ways they got along. And no matter how many times they argued or got into physical confrontations with each, there were always "I love you's" not far behind. But part of him did unconsciously wonder if they did truly care if he lived or died. _

_"Like I told ya," Dogpound snarled as he planted one of his feet on Donnie's shell as started to press his weight on to it. "They don't give two bits about you."_

* * *

A tear fell from Donnie's closed eye lids. He half expected Leo to comfort him, but comfort never came. Opening his eyes he found himself alone. Leo's bed was made and the clock on the nearby shelf said it was past noon, he had slept through morning training and much of the day. A plate that held some toast, eggs, bacon, and orange juice had been placed on the table as a simple gesture of making sure he had breakfast. The food long since turned cold. Getting up he left the room and entered the lair. He still needed to use his bo staff as a make shift crutch, but he didn't need his brothers assistance to help him around the lair. To Donnie's dismay however not a single head rose in reaction to his presence.

Mikey was sitting in front of some Japanese animation show on the Anime 24/7 channel. Donnie didn't really pay attention to what it was, he liked anime well enough. But his preference were shows that had a well rounded story and developed characters. While Mikey tended to like the plotless ones that relied on the characters beating one the snot out of one another to solve any and all conflicts. Raph was sitting at the corner of the pit feeding Spike. The red masked turtle was vaguely watching the show Mikey was and would make a snide comment every so often. April herself was studying one of her text books from school, just because she was taking a school vacation didn't mean she couldn't attempt to keep her grades up through independent study. Her teachers had been nice enough to send her assignments via email. Since the cover story for her absence was being in Ireland with her father, her world history teacher had requested she write essays about the stuff she saw and learned about Irish culture and history. The only member of the family not present was Leo, but there was only one place he could be at this time. Meditating with Splinter.

* * *

"Is something troubling you, Leonardo?" Splinter asked his eldest son. The two of them had been meditating but the negative emotions radiating from Leo's mind was making that difficult.

"Sorry if I'm disturbing our meditation, Sensei." Leo answered. "I just find myself worrying about Donnie lately. It's the not the nightmares that are bothering me, I've actually expected those after what he's been through. But he refuses to talk about the nightmares or what's causing them, he just says it's what he feared world happen when he was held captive and leaves it at that. And he apologized for the nightmare as though he felt it was his fault he had one in the first place. "Splinter closed his eyes and bowed his head sorrowfully.

"I was afraid of this." He answered with the sigh. "Your brothers physical injuries have healed greatly, but the wounds to his Spirit continue to fester and if left unattended it can have disastrous results. And there is a likelihood the Donatello we knew no longer exists"

"So what should we do?" Leo asked feeling at a loss for how to help his brother. "What should I do?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Well look who's awake." Raph stated when he noticed Donnie had entered the lair. April dog eared the page of her text book and stood up and Mikey muted the TV. Donnie however felt like the whole thing was an act. Did his brothers really care or were they just going through the motions of being a family? April was the only exception as she was new member to the family.

"Dude, we missed you at training today." Mikey stated.

"Missing training is ten laps around the Dojo right?" Donnie asked trying to recall what consequences were in store for things like this.

"Actually Splinter let you have the day off." April said. "He felt given the events of last night it was better you rest."

"Oh…" Donnie sighed.

"Are you feeling okay, Donnie?" Raph asked, his green eyes taking on a look of concern. "You don't seem yourself."

"Tired I guess." Donnie answered. "It's only been a few days since I was rescued from the Shredder."

"Donnie…" Raph grumbled. "You were rescued over a week ago…it's been a few days since you woke up." Donatello looked confused most of what he remembered was vaguely seeing Leo and Raph enter his cell and waking up in the lair sometime later.

"Don't you remember?" Mikey asked in concern. "We nearly lost you, man." Donnie could only shake his head in response, he felt like there was something he should remember but whatever it was he couldn't recall.

"I'm sorry I don't." Donnie sighed in frustration. "The only thing I remember is finding myself chained in that freezing cold cell before the Shredder appears to me and tells me you guys were on your way. And anything beyond that is a vague blur before waking up in the lair."

"I'm sure any memories you have will come to you in time." April said in an attempt at being comforting. "Do you need anything in the meantime? I remember Leo bringing you some breakfast earlier."

"I noticed..." Donnie answered. "But I'm not all that hungry actually. I'm…I'll be in my lab." Without another word Donnie entered his lab and shut the door behind him.

"Geeze so we spent all that time traipsing down memory lane for nothing." Donatello could hear Raph grouse angrily.

"It wasn't for nothing Raph." Leo joined in on the conversation a note of concern threading his words. "Donnie's…Donnie's going through a tough time right now."

"Easy for you to say, you live with him." Raph said in irritation.

"Guys…" April protested as she stepped between the two older turtles before a fight broke out. "Let's just give Donnie his space for now, and everything will be resolved in its own time. "

* * *

_"You're time is up." Shredder snarled as he angrily as he stormed into the cell room. "Tell me where Splinter is and I will allow you to live long enough to watch your brothers die." _

_"Jigoku ni iku!." (Go to Hell!) Donnie weakly growled before spitting the small gob of saliva landing on the shredder's metallic mask. With a roar of angered frustration the Japanese man backhanded the turtle across the face. Donnie sagged painfully as the chains wrenched at his dislocated arms. He refused to give Shredder the satisfaction of knowing he succeeded in causing damage to the young turtles spirit. It was all Donnie could do to keep from falling apart._

_"Fine then," The Shredder snarled. "If death is what you want, you will have it, but the experience will be slow excruciating. You will wish I had ended your pathetic existence from the start."_

_"I…I already do." Donnie snarled. "You claim you are the true victim in this farce between my sensei and yourself. But all you are is a pathetic man who couldn't accept that the girl you loved chose someone else as her husband. _

_"You know nothing, Child!" Shredder snarled. "Your master took my beloved from me. Teng Shen was always meant to me mine, but my former friend betrayed me. Poisoning her mind into believing she loved and desired him. The only way you will understand my pain is by taking away your beloved."_

_"You…you have April?" Donnie asked his heart clinching in fear. _

_"No, but I have someone close to her." Shredder said as two Foot Soldiers came in carrying Dr. Kirby O'Neil. The older man looked haggard and unkempt from the months of torture he had endured. The red haired human man was thrown unceremoniously onto the ground before he looked up at the Turtle chained before him. _

_"Donatello?" He asked as though confirming the identity of the mutant turtle he saw before him. "Where's my daughter?! Is she alright?!"_

_"April is safe." Donnie answered trying to reassure the helpless human. He instantly knew what the Shredder intended and in his current state he was unable to help the older man, but he could at least add some comfort to his passing. "My brothers and master are protecting her." _

_"I have learned from my associates that you have attempted to rescue this human twice...and failed." Shredder sneered as he painfully grabbed Kirby by the back of the neck. "Tell me where your master is hiding and I will allow him to be reunited with his precious daughter. If not…" Shredder unsheathed the claw like blades of his gauntlet and held them to Kirby's neck._

_"Don't say anything!" Kirby yelled as he grimaced in pain. "As long as my daughter's safe, I have no regrets." _

_"What will it be…Turtle?" _

_"I'm sorry…" Was all Donnie could say to the older man; closing his eyes a moment he glared at Shredder with pure_ unadulterated_ loathing. "Devils like you have no honor!" The Shredder's eyes narrowed before he jabbed his blades into the red haired man's throat. Ripping open the jugular vein and carotid artery before letting him fall to the ground and breathe his last. _

_"Leave him where he will found." Shredder growled as the Foot Soldiers took away the corpse that had once been Kirby O'Neil. In Donnie's mind all he could see was April's crying face once she learned her father was dead. _

_"Wake up," The Shredder said suddenly, his voice with an oddly concerned tone. And strangely his voice started to sound like Leonardo's. "Donnie…please."_

* * *

"Wake up!" Leo tried to sooth his distressed younger brother, but Donatello didn't seem to respond.

"Mikey stay there." He could hear Raph say before the door to Leo and Donatello's bedroom was thrown open.

"I'll get Splinter!" The 'Leader in Blue' heard April say as she rushed passed.

"No April…I've…failed" Donnie whimpered in his sleep, tears sliding down his face. "I couldn't…I couldn't stop him…there was nothing I could do…"

"Leo!" Raph said as he rushed into the room and knelt by Donnie who had curled into a ball on his tatami mat. His body shaking as it was wracked with cries of distress. "Donnie!"

"Donatello!" Splinter said as he entered the room, his older sons making space in the small room for him as he knelt down and placed a comforting paw on his third sons shell. "Donatello, please listen to my voice and calm your mind. The visions that plague you are not real…you are home and safe my son. "

"No…" Donnie whimpered. "I can't face her…not after I've failed her."

"Who did you fail? Why have you failed?" Splinter asked in concern.

"I failed to save him…" Donnie said through his sobs. "The Shredder told me he'd…if I didn't reveal the location of the lair he would…he would kill her father."

"Dad?" April asked from where she and Mikey were hovering by the door, her face going ashen.

"And did he kill Mr. O'Neil." Splinter asked, his voice taking on concern of whether this nightmare was reality…or nightmare being confused for reality.

"Yes…." Donatello's said. "He…then told his Foot Soldiers to take him away and leave him in a place where he would be found by other humans." April at once ducked away from the door to check any news sites to see if there were any reports of a middle aged man being found deceased. The three other Turtles and their master looked at one another in helpless concern. Raph sighed in frustration as he stood up.

"Leo, grab his legs." Raph said as he picked up Donatello by the arm pits.

"Why?" Leo asked.

"We're going to toss him in the pool..." Raph answered nonchalantly. "That is unless you guys have a better solution."

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading the story thus far. I'm open to suggestions as to how this particular fic should go and what situations will be involved. You would get full credit for the suggestion and my thanks. **


	3. Chapter 3

"You will do no such thing." Splinter pointedly stated to his more impulsive son. "Such rash actions will only worsen things."

"Sorry Sensei, He needs to wake up." Raph said as Michelangelo grabbed hold of Donnie's legs and carried the purple masked turtle out to the pool in the living room. "And in situations like this, you have to take rash action." Leo face palmed in exasperation, he agreed with Raph that Donnie needed wake up so he can calm down. But as far as solutions went he agreed with Splinter. There had to be a less…abusive solution to this. Splinter also stood up, placing a hand on his eldest sons shoulder. He was also at a loss when it came to this third son's predicament.

"Raph?! Mikey?!" April could be heard yelling from the living room. "What are you doing?!" Which was followed by a splash as Donnie was heedlessly dumped into the pool. It was mere seconds before a soaked and panicked Donnie climbed out of the pool like a cat escaping a bath.

"Raph…What gives?!" Donnie's indignantly coughed as he tried to settle his breathing. A memory of being in an enclosed room being filled with water assaulted his mind. The desire to breath as water closes over his head. And another more distant memory of falling backwards as polluted sewer water closed over him like a curtain as it swept him away from his brothers.

"Are you alright, dude?" Mikey asked.

"No! I'm not alright Mikey!" Donnie snapped as he struggled to his feet. He swayed unsteadily still feeling slightly weak from his ordeal at the hands of the Shredder.

"Donnie," Raph said trying to be reasonable. "You were having a nightmare…"

"So you thought drowning me would help?!" Donnie growled at his immediate older brother. "

"No…but…" Raph started to say.

"Oh no, Donnie is having a nightmare!" Donatello said sarcastically. "Here's a good solution, let's dump him the pool that should make him feel better!"

"Say that again and I'm going to push you back into the pool so you can cool off!" Raph snarled back. He knew Donnie had not been in the best of moods lately, but this was too much even for his nerdy brother. Donnie glowered at his older brother, before he sighed in irritation.

"I'll…be in my lab." He muttered and stumbled for the double doors of the laboratory. April painfully ignored the exchange behind her. While Donnie's behavior wasn't exactly pleasant, she had a feeling that there was a deeper problem to the issues at hands.

"Are you satisfied, Raph?" Leo asked as he stepped out from the dorms with Splinter close behind.

"No! I'm not satisfied, and I won't be until he gets his head out of his shell and quits having these issues," Raph growled in frustration as he leapt into the pit and plopped onto a beanbag chair. "We can't keep running to room every time he has a nightmare."

"He had undergone a rather traumatic experience in case you've forgotten." Leo responded folding his arms "Remember how many nightmares I had to tend to after the first time we fought the Shredder? Not just from Donnie, but from all three of you. It felt like a month before I was actually able to get a full nights rest."

"Yeah…" Raph snorted. "But still this is starting to get annoying and now he's starting to have an attitude problem which makes it even more irritating."

"Anything about your dad?" Leo asked in concern for the red haired girl. Raph growled at the fact he was being ignored, but gave up on pushing the issue.

"No." April said in relief. "No one matching my father's description at least."

"That's good." Leo answered. "I'd hate for Donnie's nightmares to be real."

"They are real." Splinter chided. "In his mind they are. His subconcious is creating situations that coincide with the torture he has suffered at the hands of the Shredder. Unfortunately they are so vivid it is difficult for him to know what is truly a dream and what is truly reality."

"Yeah," Raph snorted. "So Donnie needs to learn how to tell the difference between fantasy and reality? That doesn't sound too hard."

"Unfortunately that's not as simple as you make it sound." Splinter sighed as he sat down in the pit beside April. "I have seen these issues before and experienced them myself. Many times I have had visions where I have seen my beloved Teng Shen reaching out to me and the frightened cries of my daughter echo though out the building as the fire consumes my wife and my home. And ever since the five of us first became a family, my worst nightmares involved the Shredder learning of your existence and forcing me to watch as he slaughters each of you. The first one I had is the most vivid because it began when the four of you first came into my life. In my vision I am watching over you the four of you while you all sleep in the nursery. Suddenly I hear the sound of Footsteps enter the lair and my old enemy Oroku Saki appears. He tells me that since I took away the woman he loved he has come to ensure I would have everything I loved taken from me. And as long as he lived he would make sure I never knew happiness. The two of us fight, when he stops and looks at the nursery. His Foot Soldiers have set it on fire and the four of you cry out to me in fright as the flames spread throughout the room. I try to run to you but Shredder prevents it saying that I am the reason you were fated to die. And as I fight him, I can only watch helplessly as the four of you all perish in the blaze."

The other Turtles and human girl digested this. They had remembered the time they had faced the Shredder for the first time, and Splinter becoming more militant not long afterwards. Confining them to the lair out of fear and placing them in rigorous training day and night. And their own fears of the Shredder, how the very sight of him haunted their thoughts and had caused a number of bad dreams. Some so bad the four of them had curled up together in the pit finding comfort in one another.

"Great so how do we fix it?" Mikey asked as he sat down on the floor. His feet dangling into the pit.

"We don't." April answered. "As Splinter said it's not something that can be simply fixed. It's something that will be a problem for weeks, maybe months."

"So were stuck with this?!" Raph asked in irritation.

"Not entirely." April stated "Donnie's behavior as of late in consistent with a condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder. If you guys were human, Donnie would be placed in therapy. Given medication to help ease any emotional issues, and even then with some people the problems never truly go away. I have started a chat with an advice nurse at the local hospital to see what suggestions they could offer." April said as she read the chat aloud to everyone.

_Jaana: "Hello, thank you for contacting New York General. How may I be of help?"_

_April: "I have a friend who was in the traumatic event recently, and I believe he's suffering from PTSD. He's been having frequent nightmares that seem to be about the traumatic event and has reactionary mood swings."_

_Jaana: "I've very sorry to hear this. Two quick questions: how old is your friend? And how long has he been exhibiting this behavior?"_

_April: "He's 15 years old, and he's been like this for the past few days." _

_Jaana: I see…While the behavior is consistent with PTSD, your friend is actually suffering from Acute Stress Disorder._

"What's the difference?" Raph grumbled. A question April reported to the advice nurse.

_Jaana: "If he had been suffering from these problems for over a month I would say you were right in your assumption that it was PTSD. But fortunately you caught onto this early so he will be easier to treat. The nightmares are consistent with reliving the event the mood swings are a symptom as well. Some other possible behaviors you might want to be aware of and possibly run by the family are: Intense Reactions to anything that could be a reminder of the event causing these problems, lack of interested in things he may have enjoyed doing, feelings of depression and emotional detachment from friends and loved ones, and trouble recalling aspects or important moments from the event."_

_April: "Thank you for your advice."_

"This past ordeal has caused Donatello numerous injuries, both to his body and his spirit." Splinter sighed. "He will need all of us more than ever."

"When I asked earlier about what we should do, you said we should be patient." Leo pointed out. "Is that still your answer?"

"Yes." Splinter stated. "It's possible Donatello will only truly begin to heal once he has spoken about what had experienced at the hands of the Shredder. However you cannot force him to do so, but you can make sure he knows we are all here when he is ready."


	4. Chapter 4

"Donnie?" Leo called to his brother as he knocked lightly on the metal double doors of Donatello's Laboratory. In his hands he had a cup of tea that Splinter had handed to him. Personally Leo didn't think it would help in any way. If the problems at hand had just been a simple nightmare or an injury that would keep him down for a couple of days, then yes the tea would have helped. However with Donnie's current problems, the tea felt more like it added to the problem then an actual help. There wasn't a response and Leo didn't expect one. "I'm coming in." He announced.

Opening the door, he didn't see any sight of the taller boy at first. He knew Donnie would have to still be in there as both the lab and the bay doors of the garage were closed, and they would have heard him if he had left. Leo entered further into the room, scanning the room looking for his genius brother when he found the taller boy sitting on the floor against the back wall. Beside him was a device of some sort that Donnie had attempted to put together. Leo couldn't make any heads or tails as to what it was Donnie was hoping to make. All he knew is that it involved an outdated hand held video game consul and a pair egg beaters. In all honesty Leo had admired Donnie's ability to cope with times of distress. With Mikey it was pulling an annoying prank in attempt to lighten the mood, Raph lashes out and venting his frustrations on people and things around him. Leo he found comfort of course in throwing himself into his favorite show. But Donnie…Donnie found focus and comfort in creation, in learning, in doing something constructive. Leo wondered if Mikey could learn how to focus more if he took a page from Donnie's book at times. Not in science and engineering like Donnie, but in art, writing, poetry, creative expression.

Unfortunately it didn't look as though Donnie's methods of coping were helping. Donnie had his knees drawn up to his plastron with his head buried in his arms. For Leo it was heart breaking to see the loyalist of his brothers reduced to this broken shadow of his former self. He wanted to make Shredder pay for this... heck he wanted to punish the entire Foot Clan for all they had done his brother and then some. Donnie didn't look up or acknowledge his brother in any way as the blue masked turtle knelt down in front of him.

Quietly he set down the tea cup in between them. It was a small moment when Donnie risked taking a glance at the offering, but the made no moves to take it. Instead he looked even more discouraged. Leonardo wasn't surprised however. He had actually suspected as much.

"Do you want that?" Leo asked cautiously.

"Not really." Donnie replied in hardly more than a whisper.

"It's up to you." Leo answered as he picked the cup again and set it on a nearby table before returning. "I'm not going to force you if you don't want it." Moving aside the parts of whatever Donnie had been inventing Leo settled down next to his younger brother and placed a comforting arm around Donnie's shoulders. A gesture Leo couldn't remember doing since they had been nine years old. Donnie seemed to appreciate the gesture somewhat.

"How are you feeling?" Leo asked carefully. He didn't want Donnie to set Donnie any more on edge then he already was.

"I wish I could say I'm okay." Donnie answered, his voice a soft whisper. "But I'm not, I'm just….

"Tired…" Leo supplied. "…Frustrated." Donnie nodded in response to offered suggestions.

"I just wish all this would just end." Donnie added as he covered his eyes with one hand, his voice cracking with an on-coming sob. "Or that there was some way time could be reversed so things will be back to normal." His other hand placed on one of his shoulders as though trying to cover the ugly scars that resided there and the weakened muscles that resided underneath. Leo at once shifted himself so he was kneeling in front of his younger brother grasping both of Donatello's shoulders.

"Donnie…" He stated, keeping a firm but comforting tone in his voice. "Donnie, listen to me! You will get through this, I know you will. It will be hard, maybe painful, but I know you will get through this. The rest of us will be here for you when needed and we will always be there, but we can't help you through this if you won't let us."

"Don't…" Donnie responded as he lowered his hand from his eyes and looking away from Leo, an underlying growl in his voice. "Don't start playing the "I'm your big-brother" card. Not now!" Leo was taken aback by this. He's always tried to be there for his brothers whenever he could. It was true that he couldn't be the brother each of them needed him to be, because he had to big brother to three turtles, not just one.

"Donnie," Leo answered. "If this is about Raph and Mikey throwing you in the pool, I didn't condone that…"

"You didn't exactly stop them from doing it either!" Donnie pointed out; a volatile tone becoming more present is his voice as he struggled to his feet.

"The nightmare you were having was worse than the one you had last night." Leo stated trying to defend his actions. "And the one you have tomorrow night will be worse than that. Nothing I was doing was helping, and Splinter was having difficulties in getting you to calm down."

"And throwing me in the pool was the best solution that Raph and Mikey could come up with?!" Donnie snapped

"You know Raph," Leo chided. "He doesn't think about his actions, he just does them. If he had listened to Splinter, I'm sure Splinter may have led you into meditative suggestion much like he did after Raph and I rescued you and brought you home." Leo sighed as he looked towards the floor. The conversation was going down ramming speed down a steep hill in a shopping cart far too quickly for his liking. "If…if only we had gone out to look for you sooner…" Leo said in a soft whisper, however with the way it echoed throughout the room it may as well have been a shout.

"What did you just say?!" Donnie asked his mahogany brown eyes widening in shock as if Leo had just smacked him across the face, before it was replaced by a look of betrayal. Leo winced realizing he just essentially informed Donnie that they hadn't even bothered to look for him.

"It's not what its sounds like." Leo tried to excuse it.

"Oh really," Donnie answered skeptically. "So I suppose I just imagined you saying you wish you had gone to look for me sooner?"

"Well…" Leo answered finding he was losing ground in the conversation and everything he said was causing the hole he was digging himself into to get deeper. "Yeah…we had less than twenty-four hours to find you, and we didn't want to make any moves until we had a good lead. But we had no idea where you were being kept prisoner. Going through every building in the city would have put the rest of the team in danger and it would have wasted precious time that could have been better served in an actual rescue. The rest of the team had to come first."

"Am I not a member of this team!" Donnie shot back.

"You are, but…" Leo started. "If it had been Raph, Mikey, or Myself had been in your situation, I know you would have hacked into every camera be it for security, traffic, or ATM, in order find where we had been taken. But with you missing, we had no idea where to start looking, what to look for, or even what we can do to start. We didn't have time to look through the city, and the only person who possibly would have known where you were being kept was the Shredder himself. We all have April to thank for the fact we were able to learn how the Foot knew you would be in the Junk Yard that night. And we used that knowledge get someone who could lead us to you. So in all honesty, yes we didn't look for you, but it wasn't because we didn't want to, we were unable to."

"So if it wasn't for April, I would have been left for dead." Donnie snapped angrily as he walked to a nearby table. The table Leo had left the tea cup.

"Yeah…" Leo started to say. "I mean No! No! No! We would have figured out a way to find you. But the odds are yes; by the time we would have gotten around to actually figuring out where to find you…it would have been a recovery instead of a rescue."

"Get out…" Donnie gave a soft and dangerous hiss. A warning that he was beyond the point of listening to anything Leo had to say.

"But…" Leo started to protest, but a ceramic projectile that missed his face by inches as it shattered against the wall. Its contents splashed against and running down the wall like tears.

"I said "GET OUT!" Donnie screamed at the older boy. Leo felt his heart break into pieces as he backed sidled out the laboratory door closing it behind him. He didn't return to his room right away however. He stood with his shell against the door of Donatello's lab feeling like the biggest failure who had ever lived. Tears fell silently down his face.

"I'm sorry Donnie," Leo softly whispered to the supposedly sleeping lair. "I'm so, so, sorry. Some leader I've turned out to be."

On the other side of the door, Donnie sat down in the chair at his work table. His elbows propped on the table surface and the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes to fight back the tears as echoes of a memory that he would rather forget assaulted his mind.

(Flashback)

_"I actually expected the other Turtles would have been spotted by now." Donnie could practically imagine the disgusting sneer that was crossing the Shredders face at this announcement. It was all a ploy, an act to convince him that revealing the location of the lair. "It seems your brothers and Master don't think very highly of you."_

_"You're wrong." Donnie softly said as he struggled to keep calm. If he let the enemy know he was scared, to give them the satisfaction of seeing him._

_"Come now," The Shredder enticed sweetening his poisoned words with honey, but still leaving an underlying tone that warned that his patience was not to be tested. "If your surrender the location of your master, I will allow you to join the Foot Clan. You will be trained in the use of a proper weapon, a weapon much more suitable for you than that Bo staff. I will make you one of my elite warriors, exceeding Bradford and Karai. You will have your own army of Foot Soldiers to command as well as your own laboratory and have easy access to materials and equipment that you can only dream of. Imagine yourself being able to create substantial weapons and appliances that you will be appreciated and respected for. No longer would you be forced to work with scrap and useless junk used to protect three brothers and a master who won't leave the safety of their sewer for your sake."_

_It was a convincing temptation to be sure. But Donnie knew in his heart, this was all a smoke screen. The Shredder could be truthful in his offer, but he also was aware that neither Dogpound or Karai will willingly allow a former enemy surpass them. And Metal Mask himself wouldn't so much as raise a hand to prevent Karai or Bradford from trying to assassinate him. And even if Karai, Dogpound, and Xever were not a threat to him, could he truly face his family knowing that he sold them out for something that seems rather hollow if considered?_

_"I've made my decision," Donnie announced knowing he was giving up. "While your offer is tempting, it is an offer I refuse." The response from the Shredder was an enraged tiger like roar that echoed through the room. _

(End Flashback)


	5. Chapter 5

"The Turtles have been spotted in the City, but Donatello isn't among them." Karai informed her father. "It's not likely that he survived his injuries, so we can safely assume he is no longer living."

"We can assume nothing," Shredder gave a low growl. "My enemy will truly be deceased when I see his corpse with my own eyes."

"If you had let me attack them while they were escaping the facility, their shells would be mounted on the walls of this place as Trophies." Karai stated.

"It's all part of a contingency plan I put into play in case the Turtles decided not to meet my demands." The Shredder stated an evil smirk crossing the burnt and disfigured face behind his metallic mask. "Bradford and I planted seeds of doubt in the Turtle's mind. Soon enough the boy will begin to question his family and where he truly stands with them, destroying their unity from within. Eventually the boy will come to us and surrender the true location of his families hiding place. Once we have captured his brothers and master, he will watch as his brothers are all slaughtered in front of him. The priceless look on their faces when they discover their death warrants will be signed in blood by one of their own."

"What of the Turtle?" Dogpound snarled. "Surely you don't plan of making him a member of the Foot?"

"I'll let him live." The Shredder smirked. "He would live out his days knowing the blood of his brothers and Master is on his hands. The guilt and grief he will feel will destroy him, leaving him to spend eternity begging forgiveness at the feet of the very people he betrayed."

Three days…that was how long it had been since Leo had spoken with Donatello. Ever since then, Donnie had locked himself in his lab. Mikey and Raph repeatedly had tried to convince Donnie to come out of his lab with very little success. Most of the time it was met with silence as if Donnie hadn't heard them, and then occasionally there would be a rather terse response from the other side of the door.

Leo would sit in the pit with his knees tucked up to his plastron. A lost look on his face as he contemplated all that he had told Donnie, and wondering if maybe they should have gone out to search the city. Used their T-Phones to keep in touch as they checked for anything suspicious, maybe considered tracking down Dogpound and forcing him to lead him to where Donnie was being kept. He wanted to believe he had gone with the decision that was best for the team as a whole, to remain in the lair until they figure out a lead that could help them find Donnie. But as the hours ticked buy, they knew their window of time to find Donnie alive was closing more and more. But Donnie's words of "Am I not a member of this team!" They threw him….Did he really think of the team when he decided to wait, or did he think it was better to sacrifice one brother and keep the rest of the family in hiding. Thinking back on his explanation, he may as well have told Donatello that they opted to abandon him because they didn't feel they had lost anything of value.

April would occasionally lay her hand on the metal doors as if contemplating whether she should knock. But never did, Donnie was the one who decided how long he wanted to drag his problems out. So until he decided he was ready to talk to his brothers once again, she could only hope that Donnie was at least making an effort to get himself sorted out.

"Donnie," Mikey pleaded. "I've got your favorite pizza. I'll let you have the whole thing…I'll even give you my favorite comic book."

"Go Away, Mikey!" Donnie yelled in response.

"Donnie!" Raph yelled in irritation as he pounded on the metal doors. "If you don't open this door right now, I'm going busting this door down and pulling you out myself."

"You can try!" Donnie responded knowing well the lock he put on the door would have given someone like Dogpound a hard time.

"Come on Donnie," Mikey continued, tears coming to his eyes. "If you don't want to come out, that's fine, but you can still let me in. Please man, I miss my older brother."

And so it went, the consistent yelling, pleading, threatening, reasoning, all met resistance and silence. Mikey eventually breaking down in tears in front of the door to Donnie's lab, whimpering "Donnie, just come back dude. Please…we…we need you."

Donnie was well aware and at the same time couldn't see how much he was hurting his family. Hearing Mikey's sobs as he begged his immediate older brother to open the door to the lab, and rejoin the family squeezed Donnie's heart with guilt. However Leo's admission about how they hadn't gone to look for him really stung. He understood the reasoning for it, and he did consciously admit that their places were reversed he would have had everyone stay in the lair until they had a definite location as to where they should look. But still the doubts that the Shredder and Dogpound planted in his mind, the feelings he had been fighting back. They had bubbled to the surface of his mind and twisted his older brother's words into something heartless. Leo wasn't the only offender either; Raph had always been a bully who liked to assert himself as dominant in the family. And he would often take his aggression on his younger brothers, and in Donnie's case he would be a bully times without justification.

"_You will be trained in the use of a proper weapon, a weapon much more suitable for you than the Bo staff._" The voice of the Shredder purred in his mind, bring other memories along with it.

_"Okay Donnie," Raph said his face twisted into a sneer as if Donnie was the last brother he wanted to be sparing with. "Drop the staff, and no one gets hurt."_

_"That's what you said last time, Raph." Donnie stated in annoyance about how Raph believed he would fall for the same ploy again. "And then you hurt me!"_

_"Yeah," Raph said with a condescending smirk. "But not as much as I would have." The two brother's fighting until Raph swipes the wooden pole from his brother's hands and breaking it in two._

_"Should have dropped the staff?" Donnie asks knowing that he was in for some serious humiliation._

_"Should have dropped the staff…" Raph grins maliciously before lunging at the purple masked Turtle, taking gleeful pleasure in beating his brothers shell like a Taiko drum with the broken pieces of his own weapon. _

_"Hey look guys, Donnie's weapon is just a stupid stick." Ten year old Raphael laughed. "…Come on sensei, a bo staff. In the history of lame weapons, the bo staff has to be one of the lamest."_

_ "Why else would your master have given you a bo staff as a weapon?" Dog pound growled with laughter as he slammed the defenseless Turtle to the floor. "He must have seen how useless you were from the start."_

_Donnie paused in his reminiscing. When he received his weapon, Splinter had not been dismissive and uncaring. In fact he had been rather pleased that the Bo staff had chosen him. A knock on the door caused him to look up. While he had shut himself away from his brothers there was one person he couldn't shut out and that was his father. He didn't hear Mikey crying anymore so that means the guys must have gone on patrol. Obediently Donatello opened up the doors to the Lab, and was met with the stern face of his father and teacher. _

"May I come in?" Splinter asked calmly, though there was a firm tone that strongly said refusing would not be a wise decision.

"Hai, Sensei." Donnie answered softly as he moved away from the door. Splinter entered the room eyeing on his third son with concern. Donatello had taken on a haggard appearance since the day Leo had spoken with him. Hollows were beginning to form on Donatello's cheeks as he had not been eating the entire time he had been in his lab, and from the looks of things he had not been sleeping either. Possibly as a means to avoid the nightmares he had been suffering from. However the lack of sleep made his eyes look red and irritated. Splinter was sure that underneath the purple mask that Donatello wore dark circles had formed under his eyes.

"I gather you're here to tell me I'm being unfair to the others?" Donatello asked getting straight to the point as he sat down at a desk chair.

"Yes…" Splinter stated somewhat uncomfortably, he wasn't used to his most intelligent son being so blunt.

"Can I say this first?" Donatello requested. "I understand Leo's decision about not leaving the Lair without a solid lead as to where any of us would be located. And if I had been in his position, I would have done the same thing. It's just…that after all I've been through it felt as though his explanation was proving the Shredder right?"

Splinter ears perked up in surprise at this admission, if this was what he feared it to be then Donatello was not saved from his torment. He was still fighting it.

Back when the Splinter had been human, his old friend had a talent for manipulating the mind of his opponent. He would say things to make them doubt themselves, offer truths riddled with falsehoods to distract them, make them believe those who stood with them for an entire life time were truly the enemy. It was a habit Splinter had never agreed with, as there was no honor in it and it not only caused his friends soul to become more and more corrupt. He had warned his former friend of this more than once, and had even gone to the instructors of the Ninja Clan where he had been trained. However the instructors didn't believe him and Oroku Saki also ignored his friends advice.

To use such an evil act against someone like Donatello…or any of the Turtles was beyond criminal. His third son was strong intellectually, but there were still places in his psyche that were fragile. Especially with the ways Raphael would make rude comments about Donatello or would humiliate him during training. Splinter occasionally stepped in, but majority of the time let his sons deal with any problems they have with each other on their own.

Through casual observance however, he had noticed they all had their methods of dealing with these issues. Leonardo would often let the insults or rude comments wash over him, like a river over stone. Raphael often lashed out in anger at whoever was around. Michelangelo if he understood the offences at all would react somewhat childishly. But Donatello occasionally he would stand up for himself or in the case of Michelangelo and his pranks would angrily chase the Younger Turtle about the lair. But mostly he filed away every insult, any rude comment sent in his direction, every humiliating act…all of them tucked away and seemingly forgotten. But there we're visible signs that such things still did affect him which was where the Shredder was succeeding in this diabolical act.

All these things needed was a trigger an act hinting that all those filed away memories were proof that he wasn't wanted. A memory of younger version of Donatello looking up at him before scrabbling at his eyes as if ashamed to be caught crying.

"Donatello, do you remember when you told me you had a nightmare in which your brothers told you they did not wish to have you as a brother anymore." Splinter asked.

"Sort of…" Donatello answered. "I don't remember what happened in it, but what's so important about a dream I happened to have as a small child?"

"The dream itself is very important," Splinter said. "Because the same fears that plagued you then, are affecting you now. Do you believe that your brothers would hate you enough to abandon you in your gravest hour?"

"It depends," Donnie answered softly as he started to stand up. He was suddenly feeling queasy like he was about to throw up, a fog was settling over his mind making his words sound like they were echoing. "Like Leo said…the team comes first…" The Lab suddenly starting to feel stuffy, he needed to get out and get some air. Everything around him started to turn into faded as they grayed into whiteness. "It's…not like I'm…I'm all that important…to the…" His legs suddenly buckled and he collapsed in exhaustion.

Splinter rushed forward catching the purple masked Turtle before he hit the ground. A tear falling down one of his burnt orange eyes as he held third son protectively close in his arms.

"You are more important then you know." He softly whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

"I sure hope Donnie's okay." Mikey sniffed as they reached the rooftop of a building.

"I'm sure he'll be fine…" Leo said as he placed a reassuring hand on his baby brother's shell. At the same time, he couldn't help feel all this was his fault. He wanted to believe he did the right decision in keeping the rest of his team close until they could figure out how to locate where Donnie was being kept prisoner. After all what would Captain Ryan do if one of his crew had been captured? No wait, Leo already knew what Captain Ryan would have done, he would have left that crew member to die.

It was in his copy of the Space Heroes issue 23 where Crankshaw had been captured during a mission against the Abductinauts of the Horse-head quadrant. And his safety depended on Captain Ryan surrendering the Dauntless their leader.

_"A good captain knows when to make difficult sacrifices," Captain Ryan stated proudly to his crew. "Mr. Crankshaw has been an excellent officer and has served us well. But the Ship must come first, so I proudly solute his noble sacrifice."_

Leo shook his head in frustration, as much as he idolized the heroic leader of the Dauntless, even he had his problems with him. Captain Ryan wouldn't spend nights beside one of his crewmates begging them to hold on and stay with them. Heck in the fourth Space Heroes Movie when Dr. Mindstrong dies in the "Warp Engine", even though Captain Ryan does state he was proud to think of Mindstrong as a brother, that doesn't stop him from giving the order to have Dr. Mindstrong's corpse tossed out with the garbage into the vacuum of space.

"Donnie…Donnie just needs his space to sort things out." Leo stated trying to be reassuring to his two brothers.

"Space?" Raph scoffed. "We've been giving Donnie nothing but space; you're the one who told him that we didn't bother looking for him."

"Trouble in the family?" A female voice spoke up causing the three Turtles look up to see Karai standing on top of a water tower. Her mouth twisted into pleased smirk.

"Karai…" Leo said, both surprised and at the same time less then pleased to see the Foot Kunoichi. Seeing her now after all that had befallen his family he wondered what he even saw in her, had she ever truly been his friend or was that part of her little seduction game.

"I couldn't help but notice your scrawny brother isn't with you." Karai continued to smirk like a cat that had just killed the canary.

"And it's none of your business." Raph growled a he pulled out his sais and entertained thoughts of burying them forever into her twisted black heart. "We don't need trouble from the likes of you, especially after what your father did to Donnie."

"Like I said before, I don't care what happens to your brother" Karai sneered bitterly at the three Turtles. "However you deserve all that's happened after you betrayed me and tried to kill my father, Leo."

"Your issues are with me alone," Leo demanded as he pulled out his katana. "Leave my brothers out of this!"

"Now why would I do that?" Karai smirked sinisterly. "You tried to take my father from me; it's only fair someone in your family pays the price."

"You believe in honor, right?" Leo demanded angrily caching the Foot Kunoichi off guard a moment. "Where is the honor in torturing someone nearly to death?" However that only soured the Kunoichi's mood.

"You have some nerve asking me about honor." Karai snarled before she jumped away. "You should question your Master's honor and your own, before you question mine!"

The three Turtles stood in stunned silence for a moment. They didn't know what to make of Karai's last statement, did she know something about Splinter that they didn't or was this the lies that had been drilled into her head by her father. Finally Raph spoke.

"That…that bitch!" Raph yelled. He knew Splinter would disapprove of him swearing, but he didn't care. "She's just as sick and twisted as the Shredder."

"Raph…"Leo started to say.

"I swear one of these days I'm going to rip her heart out of her chest and force her to watch as I crush it in my bare hands." Raph continued ranting "I'll give her the same treatment that the Shredder gave Donnie and see how she likes being beaten within an inch of her life…"

"STOP IT!" Came a cry from behind him. Leo and Raph turned to see Mikey on his hands and knees, tears fled from his eyes as look at his older brothers.

"Don't ever say such things ever again!" Mikey sobbed.

"What…?" Raph was stunned a moment.

"Don't ever say you're going give her the same treatment Donnie got!" Mikey clarified. "I'd never wish that on anybody. There's already been enough pain…enough suffering. Donnie's been through hell and he still feels like he's there…and…and he feels we don't care about him..."

"Yeah because hero boy over here though it was a bright idea to practically tell him we didn't bother looking for him." Raph scoffed.

"NO!" Mike yelled at his harsher older brother. "Leo, kept us together! He kept us safe until we could find a way to get Donnie back. As long as we had each other we were still strong, we'd be no use to Donnie or anyone else if we let ourselves be captured too." Raph sighed feeling like a first class idiot. If Mikey slapped him across the face right then he would have felt he deserved it.

"Mikey's right," Leo sighed. "There has been too much pain and suffering. If we do the same, we'd be no better than the Shredder and the rest of the Foot Clan."

"I wish all of this would just end." Mikey's softly whimpered echoing Donnie's earlier plea.

"We all do," Leo answered as he embraced his baby brother, tears coming to his eyes. "This team is falling apart at the seams. The more we fight each other, the more we play into the Shredder's hands. If there was any way I could have taken Donnie's place or magically return things to what they were before, I would. Unfortunately there isn't a way to prepare for something like this so all we can do is be ready for when Donnie does seek our help."

"You guys wanna continue our patrol?" Raph asked solemnly.

"I'd rather go home." Mikey answered tiredly, looking vary out of character without his ever present smile on his face. "Patrol isn't the same without Donnie with us."

"I know, Mikey." Leo answered as he stood up. "We should call it a night, perhaps we'll be more up for patrolling the city tomorrow night."

* * *

The three brothers didn't say a word as they return to their subterranean lair. However they were surprised to see the doors to Donnie's lab were open. Mikey eagerly went to the lab to see if Donnie was more in a talking mood, but to his disappointment his brother wasn't in there.

"Where's Donnie?" He asked as April walked out of the dorm. She held a tea cup in her hands.

"He's asleep." April said sadly to the three brothers as she walked towards the kitchen. "You can feel free so look in on him…but…"

"My sons, I must speak with you." Splinter stated as he stepped out of the Dojo.

"All of us?" Mikey asked. Usually when Splinter called them all to the Dojo it was in a matter of great importants, otherwise it was Leo who usually reported to Splinter after patrol.

Obediently Leo, Raph, and Mikey entered the Dojo and knelt in their customary fashion before their teacher. However there was a noticeable gap between where Raph and Mikey knelt. The three boys glanced at the empty spot sadly knowing that is not a place that should be empty.

Their father stood with his back to them gazing at the photo of his former human-self standing with his late wife and child. He had lost far too many loved one in his life, and now another loved one ran the risk of being added to next to his lost wife and child. If what he feared was true Donatello could be forced in two destructive ways. He could use all that he has experienced as enticement to reveal their location to the Shredder, a path he didn't see Donatello taking. The other way however was letting the Shredder's words destroy him leaving a void in the family that will never be filled. So far Donatello had not caved to either impulse which was a good sign, but even the strongest minds could take so much emotional strain. Finally Splinter turned and regarded his sons, taking in each of their faces, the depths of worry and concern. The ever present threat that one of their own may be lost to them forever hung over their heads like a blade. That fear echoed from the core of the very being of each of his sons.

Leo his eyes expressionless and sorrowful, the look of one who failed to protect one of those who relied on his leadership.

Raph's eyes held a deep look of guilt and regret as though he was telling himself that if he knew this was something that would have befallen any of his brothers. He would have teased them less... he would have listened to them more…he would have been a better brother to them.

Michelangelo's eyes wavered. It was as though the very possibility of having one of his brothers lost forever will prevent him from knowing happiness ever again.

And standing in the door to the Dojo was April. The young girl Donatello loved…the other Turtles and maybe April herself didn't really think much about the purple masked Turtles feelings for the human girl. Often his other sons would brush it off as just an infatuation that would only result in heartbreak.

But Splinter could see it was stronger than a simple crush, it was true love…a love he had sensed from the very moment that Donatello stated that he felt she was counting on them to save her. Whether the girl in question returned his feelings was another story.

April's eyes looked as though he was trying to stay strong for all of them. But there was a raging torrent of emotion in their depths, as though losing Donatello would cause her to lose any sense of balance she had in her life. Losing any hope she had of finding and reuniting with her father. Closing his eyes momentarily Splinter readied himself as he started inform his sons about what he had discovered.

"My sons," He said. "I fear that Donatello's plight is more devastating than we had originally believed."

"What?" Raph asked somewhat confused. "Donnie was beaten like a dog and your saying it's worse than that? How could it possibly be worse?!"

"The torture he had undergone wasn't just physical." Splinter answered. "Physical torture can cause untold damage and with time a person is able to recover and try to reclaim themselves. However Donatello admitted something to me that has caused me to realize that he has undergone mental and emotional torture as well…and that is what concerns me most."

"An admission…?" Leonardo asked questioningly. He knew in his heart this was something he didn't want to hear, but knew he had to."

"Your brother doesn't blame you for your actions, Leonardo." Splinter sighed. "He knew you had to think of all of your brothers not just him alone, and if he was in your place he would have done the same. However when he told me this, he also said that when you had informed him that the three of you didn't look for him…he told me 'It felt as though you were proving the Shredder right'.

* * *

Leo sighed as he entered his bedroom. Donnie lay asleep on his Tatami mat; thankfully he wasn't being plagued by nightmares. At least not this time but still the thought of the Shredder drilling statements about them not caring or leaving him the die. That wasn't just criminal, that was inhuman. Thinking back on it, none of them had been the best brothers to him. There had been numerous times where they have treated Donnie like a joke. Raph was largely the one who was the prime offender when it came to teasing and tormenting their younger two brothers. But Leo knew he had moments where he was just as guilty with such offences. Such as that time April had helped an injured Donnie back to the lair after he was mercilessly pounded by that Rockwell Monkey. The moment April was out the room the three of them proceeded to laugh at Donatello, because being beaten up by a monkey in front of the girl he had a crush on was beyond pathetic.

_"Yeah, I'm sure he went bananas!" Leo could hear himself crowing "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He went ape!" _

And worse yet, the time Splinter had paired Raph and him against Donnie and Mikey.

_"Look guys, Raph and I may be better fighters, but you're still an important part of this team." Leo had said trying to help his younger brothers see that just because they weren't as skilled in fighting as he and Raph were, that just didn't make them any less essential. _

_"As important as you two?" Donnie has said in a rather irritated tone as though he was sensing an insult underneath Leo's reassurance. _

_"Humm…Very important." Leo stated as he sat down in front of the TV to watch Space Heroes. "We shouldn't compare ourselves. It's like apples and oranges."_

_"Yeah, if apples were way better, which they are…" Raph agreed from behind his comic book. _

Leo mentally wanted to kick himself for that. He may as well have said that both Donnie and Mikey were just there to make Raph and himself look more competent as fighters. Of the three younger turtles, Donnie was the one who held the most dedication to his training as a ninja. Raph saw fighting and training more as a competition, he didn't feel the need or have the patience to dedicate himself to his training because he was the strongest of the four. And Mikey, he had more raw talent than the rest of them but he was more interested in playing video games and goofing off to focus on such things.

But Donnie, there were times he would be seen in the dojo practicing his kata, over and over again. Each movement slow and meditative, as though he were performing taichi; timing each breath with every movement.

Pushing his Tatami mat closer to Donnie's Leo lay down and pulling his younger brother into his arms. Tears softly falling from his eyes, as he descended into sleep.

"Everything will be okay, Donnie," He whispered to the sleeping boy in his arms. "Everything will be okay, I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

There is was…the hitch in Donnie's breathing. That was what he had been waiting as he slipped out of his bedding and started to run one hand in calming circles along Donnie's shell.

After they learned of the probability of the Shredder placing doubts in Donatello's mind, things had gone on as though nothing was different…or at least they had tried to. It wasn't easy though.

The previous issue of Donnie locking himself in his lab was enough for Donnie to be placed on a sort of suicide watch. An act Splinter had not wanted to do, but recent information had made it part of his concerns. Splinter had informed his purple masked son that it would be best if he didn't use his lab for a few days. This was naturally of course to make sure Donatello didn't lock himself in his laboratory again. However there were other concerns as well. In the lab, Donnie had access to tools, equipment, poisonous chemicals, all of which could cause serious damage especially if the genius was in the frame of mind to hurt himself. And to ensure this locks placed on both the lab doors and the garage bay doors until further notice.

Donnie had been discouraged by this, but had accepted the restriction. Donnie didn't speak about locking himself in the lab for three days without rest or proper nutrition. Nor the events that led up to it. As a precaution Splinter had requested that none of them speak of these events either which everyone complied.

Without access to his lab, Donatello was needless to say…bored. Ever since he had woke up from over a week or so ago. Splinter had advised him to remain in the lair while his strength recovered. The stretching exercises that Splinter had been instructing Donatello in had improved things. Donnie was no longer stumbling around the lair. And he had begun practicing with his bo staff once again so he could retone his muscles to the familiar weight of the wooden staff.

Donatello himself still had his own forms of rebellion to all that was going on. For example, every night since he woke to find himself in the room he shared with Leo. Splinter had been giving him a cup of the holistic tea every night when the Turtles, when everyone was heading off to bed. He would obediently drink the tea at first. However whenever Splinter stepped away after handing him the tea cup; Donnie would pour the tea down the sink. Leo had seen Donnie do it one occasion which left him torn as to whether he should inform Splinter of this or inform Splinter his holistic tea wasn't helping.

And true to Leo's assumptions, the nightmares Donnie were suffering from every night had gotten worse. Fortunately Leo had picked up a pattern to the way Donnie reacted to nightmares, and that helped in easing them before it woke everyone else up. It would always start with a subtle hitch in Donnie's breathing, then Donnie would begin to whimper as his breath quickened before escalating into screams and cries of anguish and fear.

Tears dripped from Donnie's eyes as he curled into a ball. Leo continued to massage his younger brothers back softly intoning 'It's okay little brother…everything's going to be okay."

"No…please not them..." Donnie whimpered in his sleep. Leo froze momentarily; in the past dreams Donnie had seen an individual such as April or her father. If Donnie was witnessing multiple people in his visions, it didn't take many guesses as to who he was seeing. Gently Leo gathered his brother into his arms in an effort to sooth away the terror that was plaguing his younger brother's mind.

"Shhhh" Leo softly whispered into Donatello's ears as he held his brother against him restraining Donnie from trying to fight off his unseen tormentor which could result in him unintentionally hurting someone else, or worse yet himself in the process "It's not real…none of it is real…." Gradually Donnie's nightly terrors subsided as he returned the gentle thoughtlessness of sleep. Carefully, Leo his brother back on to his tatami mat as though his younger brother not wanting to break the uneasy peace that had was blanketing the genius.

Once he was sure Donatello was asleep, Leo got up and left the room. Entering the common room of the lair, with everyone asleep it was as silent as a grave. One hand going to his plastron, feeling the scratches that Donnie's finger nails had dug into the keratin plates when he was trying to escape Leo's protective embrace. Looking about the empty lair he could visualize the echoes of various memories of the short fifteen years since he and his brothers had been mutated. The way the all laughed. The way they talked. Those innocent days felt like lifetimes ago and that was a time Leo wished he could return as well.

Sitting down in the pit he drew his knees to his chest as his bottom lip trembled and tears fell unaverted down his face. He felt so helpless in this situation. He was leader, as such it was his job to protect and guide his followers in any circumstance. He had failed…he had failed both as a big brother and as a leader. And now one of the people who depended on him was tormented nightly by hallucinations about of all he had endured at the hands of their greatest enemy. And nothing he said or did would be able return things to what once had been.

He was hardly aware of a door in the dormitory opening before he felt a hand light on to his shoulder. He had assumed it was Raph or maybe Mikey, however when he looked up he found himself looking into Donatello's mahogany brown eyes.

Kneeling down, Donnie wrapped his arms around his older brother. Leo returned the embrace his brother gave him. The two brothers softly crying on each other's shoulders; finding strength and comfort in the physical contact between them.

"I'm sorry." Donnie softly whispered into the hug.

"Why are you apologizing?" Leo asked as he pulled away slightly. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I'm sorry for being such a nuisance for everyone." Donnie said softly as he closed his eyes sadly.

"No," Leo answered softly offering a small companionable smile towards his younger brother. "You aren't a nuisance. I can't fathom what you've been through when you were being held hostage by the Shredder. The one thing I know for a fact is that it was criminal…no it was beyond that…it was inhuman. There's isn't a sane person alive who'd be able to go through such horrors and be able to bounce back instantaneously. If any ones at fault…then I am the one who deserves the blame. I failed you Donnie…I failed you as your brother and I failed you as a leader of the team. If I could have prevented all that happened, I would have."

"You didn't fail me, Leo." Donnie returned Leo's small but saddened smile. "You were thinking of the team as a whole. I knew you guys were doing all you could to try and find me, and if you guys had gone out to search the city without any clear idea as to where I could be located, you would not only be exhausting the team and wasting the limited time you had to find me alive; you'd also be putting yourselves in danger. If the Foot managed to get their hands on any of you, or worse all three of you the Shredder would no doubt torture in an effort to me to reveal the lair. Or force one of you to reveal the locations of the lair."

"But you told Splinter what I said felt like I was proving the Shredder right." Leo answered.

"It did…then." Donatello answered as he brought his hand to the two triangular shaped holes in his plastron just over his stomach. "But you could have been combing the city and Shredder still would have informed me that you weren't looking. Since I couldn't specifically know if you were looking or not, I clung to the hope that you were. The only time I wished you weren't was when Shredder told me you were on your way. I was happy, because that meant you were finally coming for me. But it also occurred to me that you guys were walking into a trap. In that moment, I wished you'd forget about me and move on."

"Donnie…" Leo whispered his brother's as tears bloomed once again in his eyes. "There is no way we'd leave any of us behind. We're brothers if we lost you, or Mikey, or Raph…it would be like we lost part of ourselves. We are all we've got. We were aware we were walking into a potential trap, but it was worth it." Leo pause momentarily struggled to keep his emotions together.

"Leo…" Donnie softly whispered. I was hard for him to watch his eldest brother react so emotionally, normally he as the strong one, the one who was in control. He rarely if at all let his emotions get the better of him.

"When we finally did rescue you….you were more dead than alive." Leo tearfully said. "There was so much blood, and for a moment I feared we lost you. I didn't want to believe that we had finally gotten you back only to find it was too little, to late. And even after Splinter was able to tend to your injuries he still felt it was miraculous that you were still alive, and that if you made it through the rest of the night we'd have more reason to hope for your survival. Raph, Mikey, April, and I all slept in the lab that night. If you didn't make it through the night…we would at least have the comfort of knowing your final moments were spent being surrounded by loved ones, instead of alone in the presence of an enemy."

Donnie didn't know what to think or say at this moment. It was all so much so he did the only thing felt he could...

**Thanks for everyone who has been reading thus far. If anyone has any suggestions for what should happen I'd love the hear them. If there are any I believe sound like a good idea, I'll give you full credit and my thanks for your suggestion. Also if anyone is interested in bata reading, let me know. I am aware I have a number of typos, grammatical errors, run on sentences, areas where I should expand on. And I'm hoping to do a rewrite of my Hostage Trillogy and making it into an audio fic. I also may have a season 2 variation of the hostage trilogy as well (I.E. Same story except set during Season 2) **

**For anyone who is interested, no I don't plan on having Donnie do things like cut himself or actually commit suicide. I have read fic's where Donnie has done that and they have never felt in character with Donnie's personality, no matter the circumstance, there is no honor or redemption in the action. And no he will not be going to the Shredder and reporting his family even though I have hinted at the probability. The Shredder of the 2012 incarnation is if anything a flawed beast and at times he doesn't take into account the brotherly relationship the Turtles hold. **


	8. Chapter 8

Getting up Donnie went back to the room he shared with Leo coming back with a blanket which he draped over his older brothers shoulders. Donnie curled next Leo his own blanket wrapped like a cloak around scrawny frame. Leo reached an arm around Donatello and pulled him closer sharing the warmth of his blanket with his younger brother.

Donnie smiled softly in appreciation as he rested his head against Leo's shoulder, feeling Leo lightly squeeze his arm for reassurance. However the smile faded and a pensive look crossed his face.

"I think…" Donnie said unsure as to how his brother would take what he had to say. "I think things may need to change between us."

"Let's discuss that another time." Leo said patting Donnie's shoulder gently. "Splinter will have us up for training before long.

"Right." Donnie answered as he closed his eyes and started to fall asleep. Leo smiled softly as he rested his cheek against Donnie's scalp. His mind wanted to wonder what Donnie had meant when he said things needed to change, but felt that whatever it was he would accommodate it the best he could.

* * *

_"Not so tough without your stick, are you?" Dogpound sneered with a growl as a battered Donnie struggled to get to his feet again. "You can drop the tough act; you brothers aren't going to come for you."_

_"They'll come." Donnie firmly stated._

_"I highly doubt that," Dogpound growled. "I have Foot Soldiers monitoring the city, none of 'em have seen so much of as a scale of your brothers. Looks like they've left you for dead, and given how ineffective you are as a fighter I wouldn't blame 'em. Why else would your master have given you a bo staff as a weapon? He must have seen how useless you were from the start."_

_"No!" Donnie yelled covering his hears from these comment statements the mutant dog was making. "No, no, no!" His was only saying these things to get him to doubt and betray his family. His brothers were probably doing all they could to try and find him, but with no way to track where he was there wasn't any way of reaching him. But he truly believed…no…he *knew* his brothers were doing all they could to find him. Dogpound only laughed at the Turtle before slamming him into the ground once again with his gigantic fist._

_Donnie braced himself for the impact the giant appendage would make. However there was nothing, cracking open his eyes he looked up to see Dogpound frozen in place with his massive fist poised in the air as though it would drop the moment the turtle let his guard down. It was almost as though all time had stopped. Suddenly Dogpound and the world around him dissolved into tiny fragments and blew away like dust in an unseen breeze. Until all that was left was a void of darkness with one spark of light remaining. The light grew in size until it took on the shape of Leo. _

_"Block this thought from your mind Donnie." The apparition said. "You are our brother, we'd never abandon you." Several windows opened up in the void showing Donnie various moments where Leo cared about him. Some of the moments were from the past when they had been children. Young Leo calming him down when he was starting to panic after his near drowning experience when they were 2…Leo unconsciously pulling him close after the nightmare where he thought his brothers didn't want him a brother anymore. Nine year old Leo comforting Donnie beside the pool after Raph had gotten a little too rough during training. _

_But there were also things in recent memories too. The time where they were in the underwater Kraang base and April had called to inform them that Karai was chasing her. Leo slamming into him seconds before a laser blast slices through the air where his head had been. His older brother's eyes mixture of irritation and relief. Leonardo reaching out to him and the two of them walking home like the best of friends. Leonardo holding his younger brothers battered body in his arms, Donatello unconsciously seeming to say something, Leo looking momentarily startled before a single tear falls down his face. Leo entering the lab with a small lantern, and staying watch over his younger brother throughout the night occasionally checking his brother's temperature; other moments holding his Donatello's hand and begging him to wake up and come back to them. _

_Then there were moments where they simply talked quietly. Their twelfth mutation day where Donnie had given Leo a somewhat battered copy of "Book of the Five Rings" by Miyamoto Musashi that he had happened to find in a recycling bin. Leo watching as Donnie went over his kata trying to get them right before stepping in showing Donnie where he was going wrong and assisting him in ways he could improve. The times Leo would at least try to take some interest in things that his brother was trying to create in his lab, even though he honestly didn't understand a word of it. The two of them taking out Mrs. Campbell in tandem, and fighting the Shredder two on one battle._

_Donnie watched each of the memories in awe…his older brother had always been there for him in good times and bad times. Being both a friend and a kind heart that only wanted to be what he felt he could be for his brothers._

_"Do you remember when I learned you were afraid of thunder?" The apparition of Leo asked as the various windows all merged into one. _

* * *

_*Flash Back*_

_Rain fell in sheets over the city that never sleeps. The little pins of water drenching everything as the crooked fiery tongues of lightning, followed by the deafening boom of thunder. However storms of any sort brought about other concerns for a small family of inhabitants underneath the city streets. _

_For the Turtles and their fatherly teacher, the main concern with such storms was that their subterranean home would be flooded. All electronic appliances such as the TV were forced to be shut off and moved to Donatello's lab. _

_In an effort to stave off some of the boredom the four boys sat in the Dojo with a lantern and told ghost stories. Pots, pans, and buckets had been placed underneath the numerous grates in the ceiling that allowed sunlight to filter into the underground dwelling. The various rugs had been rolled up and placed against the wall to keep them from becoming dampened by the rain water. All the while the lightning cracked overhead and the thunder roared across the sky loud enough to echo like cannon fire through the tunnels._

_"And the girl could feel the presence of someone, come closer, and closer, and closer behind her…." Raph said sinisterly as he told the story. "Before she could turn around she heard…"_

_With a roar he the red masked twelve year old lunged at his youngest brother. Mikey in turn jumped five feet into the air practically landing in his immediate older brother's lap._

_"AAAAAHHHHH, DON'T LET IT GET ME!" Mikey screamed as he held on to Donatello for dear life. Raph laughed obnoxiously at his youngest brother's reaction. _

_"Oh man, don't tell me you seriously just fell for that!" Raph sniggered as Mikey climbed off of Donatello. Leo also chuckles at it, though he stopped laughing when he had noticed his quieter younger brother hadn't reacted but was sitting rigidly as if frozen._

_"My son's, it is getting late…" Splinter stated as he entered the dojo from his sleeping chamber. "It's time to get ready for bed." None of the Turtles argued with their adoptive father, as it generally wasn't a wise idea to test Splinter's patience. But all of them had a feeling that it wasn't the lateness of the hour so much as likely that the four of them were disturbing Splinters meditation that they were being sent to their rooms the rest of the night. _

_Donnie immediately rushed out of the room seemingly eager to get as far away from the dojo as fast as possible. _

_"Dibs on the bath!" Mikey yelled as he made his way to the showers. _

_"No splashing this time, Mikey." Leo said. With the cold air brought on by the rain a warm shower, a soak in the tub sounded relaxing at that moment. _

_"You mermaids can enjoy your stupid bath." Raph growled as he brushed passed Donnie who was speed walking to the room he shared with Leo._

* * *

_Leo sighed as he made his way to the showers. True to form Mikey was happily splashing in soaking tub. _

_"Hey Leo," The younger turtle waved to his older brother as Leo removed his gear and placing shelf with a large blue "L" on it. The other cubbies beside it respectfully having an equally large red "R" purple "D" and orange "M". _

_Leo didn't answer, instead he just raised his hand as a sign to show he acknowledged his baby brothers greeting._

_"Say Mikey," Leo started to ask as he turned on the shower. "Have you noticed something off about Donnie today?"_

_"Not really?" Mikey answered as a moment of thought. "He seemed pretty normal to me."_

_"I guess…" Leo answered. "It's just that when you jumped into his lap, he didn't even react."_

_"I don't see what the problem is." Mikey said. "That just shows how much Donnie loves his only baby brother."_

_"You did remember to take a shower before jumping into the soaking tub right?" Leo asked deciding to change the subject seeing as he was getting no head way in the conversation. Mikey paused as if trying to recall if he did, which made Leo sigh in exasperation at how someone like Mikey could miss such a basic step. They had been taught that the soaking tub was for soaking and relaxing in not cleaning their body. Before using the bath they had to use the shower first. Pulling Mikey out of the Tub, Leo placed his youngest brother underneath the spray of the shower before using a small scoop to retrieve any loose scales and grime in the water. He made a small note to drain the tub and replenish the water to be sure the water was clean should his other brothers or Splinter feel the need to use the tub. Climbing into the water he tucked his knees to his chest and let the warm water begin relax his muscles. _

_"BANZAI" Mikey yelled as he jumped in the air tucking into his shell and landing in the tub with a loud splash._

_"Mikey!" Leo groaned in annoyance._

_"No bath is awesome without Dr. Splashenstine." Mikey grinned in self-righteously. _

_"So much for having a relaxing bath…" Leo he as he got out of the tub toweled himself off. "Be sure to drain the tub when you're done."_

* * *

_ Leo left the bath grumbling in annoyance as he made his way to his room. Donnie appeared to already be asleep as he entered the room he shared with his younger brother. _

_"At least one of us is able to relax." Leo said, his limbs tense and restless as he crawled under his bed clothes, closing his eyes Leo tried to focus his mind on things to help relax his body. Listening to the thunder crashed through the sewer tunnels; Leo wasn't bothered by it however he could have sworn heard a gasp coming from next to him. Glancing towards the other bed to see Donnie hadn't moved much, he lay on his side like he customarily did with his shell facing his oldest brother. The only change was that he had tucked his knees to his chest. Leo rolled over so that he was facing Donnie. Slowly he started to close his eyes again and attempted to sleep._

_Another crash resounded like a shot from a howitzer cannon. A shudder passed over Donnie's lanky frame as rolled over onto his plastron and pressed his pillow over his head as though trying to deafen the sound of the thunder. Leo's eyes were open in an instant…was Donnie afraid of thunder. He had always been somewhat more anxious when they were in rooms such as the Dojo during thunderstorms and it was rather rare to hear the storms from other areas of the lair. But…This…This was another issue entirely and yet at the same time it also made sense. The way Donnie had been sitting frozen in place that evening, he had been suffering quietly so that Raph and Mikey wouldn't learn about his fear and tease him about it. Another blast of thunder rolling the through the tunnels caused Donnie whimper in as he positioned his body in a way that resembled "duck and cover". _

_"Donnie?" Leo asked in concern as he sat up. Donnie stiffened and looked in his direction. In the gloom of the small bedroom he could still make out two mortified mahogany brown eyes looking at him as if ashamed to be caught in an embarrassing predicament, tears starting to form at their edges. _

_Instinctively Leo crawled out of bed and started to run his hand in comforting circles along Donatello's shell. Donnie winced in fear as yet another blast of thunder echoed through the sewers. Leo at once pulled his younger brothers trembling body into his arms, holding his frightened brother close with one arm and continuing to run his hand up and down Donnie's shell. He felt his plastron grow wet as frightened tears fell down his younger brother's face. Leo didn't say anything in responce; he just remained quiet and offered his brother the comfort and reassurance. Reaching down to pick up his quilt he wrapped it around both of them offering that little bit of warmth in the cold room. Feeling the racing thump of Donnie's heart and every anxious breath as the storm raged overhead. Eventually the storm passed, granting Donnie the opportunity to calm down. _

_"Are you alright?" Leo asked when he felt Donnie was calm enough to speak._

_"I think so…" Donnie answered as he wiped away tears with the heal of one hand. _

_"That's good." Leo answered. "So you're afraid of thunder?" Donnie nodded looking somewhat ashamed by this admission._

_"I didn't want you guys to know." Donnie said. _

_"Everyone has fears, Donnie." Leo said reassuringly. "But if you want…this can be our little secret." Donatello smiled appreciation at his older brother's acceptance. _

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

Leo opened his eyes as his internal clock told him morning had come. Glancing down at Donnie he smiled softly at his younger brother. It had been quite some time since he had seen Donnie look so peaceful; it actually felt almost like a crime to wake him up, but it was time for morning training.

"Hey Donnie…" Leo said as he lightly shook Donnie's shoulder. "Time to wake up."

Donatello cracked his eyes open with a tired sounding groan. It felt like he had just gone to sleep five minutes ago.

"I know, I know." Leo answered as he stood up and helping his younger brother to his feet. "But it's just four hours of training."

Training that morning for all intents and purposes went by uneventfully for the first hour. Each of the Turtles and human girl practices with their weapons, going through each strike, parry, and block motion of their weapon. Then in the second hour of practice, Splinter paired the Turtles into two sparing groups. Raph and Leo in one pair, Donnie and Mikey in the second, April was kept aside to train with Splinter. April was a little concerned as Donnie's injuries hadn't fully recovered and wondered if she should be his sparring partner vs. a wild card like Mikey.

"I'll be alright." Donnie answered with a smile. "Besides, I don't know what I'm truly capable of unless I try."

"Okay." April answered, not entirely convinced.

The sparing lesson went as it normally would have with Donnie and Mikey matching each other blow for blow. However when Donnie started to make a striking move, the taller teen suddenly gave a gasp of pain; the bo staff flying out of his hand and spinning end for end towards one wall of the Dojo. Mikey had to tuck his head into his shell to avoid getting hit by the flying weapon.

Everyone paused mid-spar and looked at Donatello in concern as he fell to his knees, painfully clutching his shoulders. For a short moment that felt like an eternity no one said anything.

"Donnie?" Mikey asked as he crouched in front of his immediate older brother in concern. "Are you okay?"

"Leo, why don't you train with Mikey for the time being?" Raph suggested as he approached his immediate younger brother and placed a calm hand against Donnie's shell. "Hey pal, let's go take a little walk." Donnie didn't argue as he stood up and followed Raphael feeling all eyes in the room watching them leave with disheartend expressions.


	9. Chapter 9

Donnie walked a foot or so behind Raph as they walked through the subway tunnels that resided outside the lair. He was sick and tired of everything, he was sick of the weakness, pain, and nightmares, tired of his family treating him like he was going to break if they didn't treat him like he was made of porcelain. And what's worse is he hated all that this was doing to his family; the pain and anguish that it was causing his brothers…His father...April.

Hearing his own elder brother breaking into tears the previous night and tell him that he felt he had failed as a brother and leader. His sweet and childishly innocent baby brother acting as though the brother he had known and loved was gone; replaced with a crazed individual who couldn't sleep through the night without a psychotic breakdown. A person their father had to holistically drug every night in a vain attempt at stopping the torment. Even the brother that walked just feet ahead of him…hearing Raph insinuating that he was being putting on an act because he didn't want to deal with what happened.

It wasn't right they should feel like everything was their fault. He had been the one who foolishly left the lair, he was the one who felt the need to go to that junk yard that night. He was the one who caused problems when tried to invent something…The T-pod landed in enemy hands, Metalhead nearly resulted in his brothers getting killed on a mission. The Rocket launching bo staff nearly took out the lair when it unexpectedly went off. He had failed to rescue April's father not once but twice. The Patrol Buggy fell apart. He had lost the power cell to the Kraang, the explosives he had put together in order to destroy the Kraang Portal wasn't enough to destroy it or the molten rock monster that had come through it. The Spyroach was a disaster. He couldn't stop the Pulverizer from mutating himself. He was the one who was the weakest fighter of the team…maybe they would have been better off if they had abandoned him, they'd have fewer problems if they had.

Raph stopped and glanced behind him, his emerald green eyes softening in concern at the sight of his injured brother. It wasn't fair…what had Donnie done to deserve something like this, if any of them should face torture it should be him alone. Raph could see what Splinter meant when he said there were areas where his younger brother was stronger. Donnie was kind and patient, he could create things could benefit their family and possibly the world at large. While Raph couldn't deny there were a number of goose eggs in Donnie's resume of inventions, such as Metalhead for example. There were also other things that Raph would at the very least say were useful. The T-Phones, the Ninja Smokebombs, the Patrol Buggy (even though it fell apart, but Donnie had warned Leo it wasn't ready.),The ShellRaiser, the Stealthbike. All things the rest of them took for granted.

And on top of that Donnie had a level of compassion the rest of them could never comprehend. His need to save April and her father because it was the right thing to do, to risk losing the power cell to the Kraang in order to save an innocent from being needlessly slaughtered, his drive to save said innocent from making an idiotic mistake. And vowing to do the impossible in order restore what was right.

"How are you holding up?" Raph asked in concern. The look in Donnie's eyes told Raph all he needed to know. Donnie was broken…his mind, his body, his spirit was broken, the Shredder had succeeded in doing that much and it made Raph's heartache.

"As well as can be expected…" Donnie sighed softly. "Maybe you were right about me being a useless ninja."

"Whoa…" Raph was taken aback by this statement. "I've never called you that!" Yeah he would be tough on Donnie in times, but he felt that was in an attempt to add a little drive or motivation into Donnie's fighting not to make him doubt himself.

"You may as well have!" Donnie snapped.

"If I've said anything to give you that impression…I'm…I'm sorry." Raph said feeling like a first rank jerk. He tried to reach out to his younger brother, but the purple masked turtle stepped back looking at Raph as though he had never known his older brother at all before turning and running down the tunnel.

"_What have I done?" _Was the only thought that passed through Raph's mind as he watched his brothers retreating back.

* * *

Raph walked back to the lair wondering what the others would say once he returned.

"Hey Raph…" Mikey said as the red masked Turtle entered the lair, before he looked behind Raph and into the tunnel as though looking for someone. "Where's Donnie?"

"He didn't return here?" Raph asked in concern his face turning a shade of pale green.

"What happened?" April as she approached from the Kitchen, Leo and Splinter also appeared at the entrance to the Dojo.

"I messed up…" Raph said regretfully. "I really messed up. I had hoped he had come here but…"

"Raphael, tell us what happened?" Splinter demanded.

* * *

"…So I had thought he would have returned here. And that's the end of it." Raphael explained to everyone from where he sat in the Dojo.

"Great going, Raph!" Leo angrily snapped. "I can't believe you…I was just managing to reach Donnie last night, now you might as well have erased all that."

"I was afraid of this." Splinter sighed. "Donatello is in a fragile mind set right now. It is best you find him as soon as possible…"

"You don't believe he'd…" April asked not wanting to think of the possibility.

"I don't want to think he would attempt to such dishonorable act." Splinter stated. "But recent knowledge about his experience at the hands of the Shredder has made the matter a grave concern."

* * *

"Okay guys, we are going to split up." Leo said to Raph, Mikey, and April. "If you see Donnie, mass text the rest of us immediately."

"Right!" The other three said in unison as they went in separate directions. Raph followed one tunnel all the while kicking himself mentally as he glanced around the tunnels. He didn't know how he would live with himself if Donnie took his own life, but at the same time he wanted to believe Donnie was smart enough to not do something so awful. That was until he saw the familiar shape of his brother's shell at the far end of a tunnel leading to a drainage shaft. The same drainage shaft Donnie had nearly drowned in years ago. Donnie was sitting painfully close to the ledge, with his knees drawn up to his chest and his face buried in his knees. Pulling out his T-Phone he typed in "Found him…Drainage shaft."

Once his text was sent he carefully stepped forward, grabbing Donnie under his arm pits and pulled the protesting turtle down tunnel so he didn't feel the inclination to see if turtles could fly.

"Let go! Let go of me!" Donnie yelled as he struggled to get out of Raph's grasp. Raph only responded by tightening his hold on Donatello before slamming Donnie's shell up against the metal walls of the tunnel. Mentally kicking himself as he saw a look of fight fill Donnie's eyes.

"Donnie, listen to me!" Raph demanded trying to get his agitated brother to calm down. "You aren't useless and I've never said you were. If I said or did anything to make you think that, than I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

* * *

Leo, Mikey, and April arrived at the tunnel where Raph said he had found Donnie.

"Wait!" April said as she gripped Leo's arm as the leader in blue started to move forward. "Let them talk it out first.'

* * *

"And if you're not convinced,"Raph added with small half smile. "Then let me say…I wouldn't be here talking to you if you were useless. You remember that time I got bit by Fishface and it caused me to become all loopy. I know Mikey talked you through my symptoms, but if it wasn't for you and that big brain of yours I wouldn't be alive today. And if it wasn't for your quick thinking we would have lost Mikey when we went after Snakeweed."

"It's not like you've ever cared about me though." Donnie answered. "It feels like no matter what I do, you despise the fact I exist."Raph's half smile faded at that. It was true he had teased and humiliated Donnie in particular during training. Splinter had cautioned him that such actions could eventually lead to negative results. Raph at once pulled Donnie into a hug, crushing him against him as though trying to shield him from his the demons that plagued his doubts and fears. Donatello squirmed and struggled trying to escape the arms that were containing him, but they remained firm like bands of steal.

"For genius, you can be really dense sometimes." Raph said as he continued to hold Donnie against him. "Yeah, maybe I do give you a hard time, but that's because I'm trying to push you to be better; not because I'm trying to hurt you." Donnie grew exhausted from trying to fight Raph's embrace and simply fell limp in his older brother's arms. Raph gently lowered himself to the ground, his arms not loosening until Donnie and himself were both sitting.

"And as for not caring…you're wrong there as well." Raph said as he cupped Donnie's face in one hand, tilting it so the younger turtle was meeting his eyes. "Remember when Leo got that flu when we were all seven years old…"

* * *

_(Flashback)_

_Donnie muffled a cough with one hand as he left the toilet. He had noted he had been feeling oddly tired of late, so tired things that once normally held this interest exhausted him. _

_"Hey Donnie." Leo greeted from where he sat in the pit. He was well enough to be out of his room for extended periods of time and practice kata in the dojo, but he still had some upper repertory congestion. _

_"Hi." Donnie said tiredly as he joined his brother in the pit and sprawled in one of the bean bag chairs while Mikey was happily watching an animated program about a family of bat like creatures that protected the city of Manhattan at night, and spent the day asleep as stone. Donnie did enjoy the series but he thought the relationship between the large purple creature and the human police lady seemed unrealistic, after all, what sort of future could they expect to have together. In that particular episode the purple one, the dog creature, and there human friend had vanished. Which left the other bat creatures worried about where their companions had gone and the elder one was encouraging the red one to take up the role of leader until their companions we're found. _

_His eyes glazed over slightly as shifted in the bean bag chair, even watching TV was tiring. And on top of that he was starting to get a pounding head ache and his stomach was doing flip flops. Someone knelt beside him and put a cool hand against his forehead._

_"Master Splinter…" Leo called before a gentle four fingered hand rested on Donatello's forehead. _

_"I was afraid of this." Splinter sighed as he gathered Donnie into his arms and carried him to his room._

* * *

_Raph grumbled to himself after training the next morning, now that Donnie was the one with the flu he had to train with Master Splinter. He was about to enter to the room when he shared with Mikey when an unpleasant odor met his nostrils. The sour smell of vomit combined with the salty stench of sweat, which was coming from Donnie and Leo's room. _

_Raph wanted to ignore it, Leo lived with Donnie and it was Donnie's fault for catching Leo's flu. So by that account Leo had to take care of it whatever it was. Still Leo was meditating with Splinter at the moment, and Mikey was coloring in the pit. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to look in on his sick brother at least. _

_Opening the door he was hit full force with the nauseating odor of puke. The floor looked like spin art and to top it all off the bedding of Donnie's tatami mat was decorated with it too. Donatello gave a wet sounding cough before groaning in discomfort. Raph didn't know what needed cleaning up more, the room, the bed sheets, or Donnie. Either way this had to be something that was dealt with immediately. _

_Taking care to avoid the barf puddle Raph knelt down by Donnie and felt his temperature. It felt rather high…too high. And what was worse is Donnie's bed clothes and sleeping mat were so soaked with sweat he may as well have been sleeping on a sponge. He had to get Donnie's temperature down right away. Throwing aside Donnie's bed clothes he wrapped one arm over his shoulders and half walked have dragged his younger brother to the showers. Laying Donnie down against the tub he fiddled with the taps until he found a comfortable lukewarm temperature. Gathering his younger brother against him he sat under the spray and gently cleansed away the sweat and vomit from Donatello's body. _

_Donnie whined weakly in delirium as he curled against Raph's body in an attempt shield himself from the falling water. Hearing the door to the bath open, Raph looked up to see Leo enter in concern. _

_"Mikey said he saw you dragging Donnie in here." Leo said as he knelt down examining their sick younger brother."_

_"Yeah." Raph said "I'm hoping this helps get his temperature down, at least enough for him to sleep more comfortably." _

_Leo pulled the metal basin and started to fill it with water from the soaking tub. Before stepping out and coming back with the soiled bed clothes. "Splinter is taking care of the rest of mess in there." Leo informed as he started to wash the soiled blankets. "Thanks for doing this."_

_Raph nodded in acknowledgment as he continued to cleanse away the uncomfortable heat from Donnie's body. It was half an hour before the younger turtle was a healthier temperature. Drying off Donatello's body both Leo and Raph slung an arm over their shoulders and carried him back to the bed room. _

_"Here…" Leo answered as he pulled back the covers on his bed. "Set him down here for now." _

_Raph didn't question it as Donnie was placed on the bed and covered with the warm blankets and quilt. Once he was sure Donnie was comfortable, Leo left the room to continue washing the blankets. Raph started to leave, but paused feeling that he couldn't leave Donnie by himself. He only went to his room long enough to get his blanket coming back he curled up alongside his sick brother and closed his eyes._

_(End Flashback)_

* * *

"And then there's this place." Raph said as he sadly pointed a hand to the drainage pipe. "We nearly lost you here…I nearly lost you here. If I hadn't been so eager to explore the sewers, you wouldn't have fallen in to the water and nearly drowned."

"I never hated you for that." Donnie said. "You didn't know that was going to happen."

"Just like you didn't know your abduction by the Foot was going to happen." Raph said. "Donnie, none of us know what you went through and I don't think any of us really want to know what happened. But if it helps you through it we are here to listen…you just need to let us know when you're ready."

The sound of footsteps approaching caught their attention as Leo, Mikey, and April appeared. Both Donnie and Raph stood up and approached their companions. Mikey greeted Donnie with a hug…there was nothing said between them it was just heart felt exchange between the two youngest members of the team.

"Let's go home." Leo said putting a hand on his taller brothers shell. Donnie nodded in agreement as the five of them returned to the lair.

* * *

Shredder gazed out the window of his hide out, his eyes narrowing in irritation. He had hoped to have results by now. The turtle should have appeared asking for an audience. Revealed the lair and watched in smug satisfaction as his brothers and master were brought to the mercy of the Foot Clan.

"One called Shredder…" A Kraang reported. "Kraang has talked with Kraang. Kraang has been looking over that which is known as footage from what is known as the security cameras in one of the facilities that are controlled by Kraang. The one that are known as "the Turtles", particularly the one that is known as Donatello has tried to rescue the human that is known as Kirby O'Neil from Kraang. The one called "Kirby O'Neil" is the being known as father of the one known as "April O'Neil."

"I see…" Shredder metallically said. "Bring this "Kirby O'Neil to me…he just may be the key to eliminating the turtles and bring Hamato Yoshi out of hiding."


	10. Chapter 10

Donnie sighed as he looked at the ceiling for the umpteenth time that night. In the past twenty four hours he had felt like he was beginning to see his older brothers in ways that he really had never seen them before.

Glancing at Leo he could tell the older Turtle was fast asleep. Probably grateful he didn't have any nightmares to field for once. But nightmares couldn't happen if you couldn't sleep so that wasn't entirely a good thing.

He had had a lot to process with the heart to hearts he had received from Leo and Raph. Both of which were things he needed to see and hear from them. It really gave him a moment to evaluate how well he knew his brothers and where he stood with them. While he didn't doubt that they did care for him as a friend and brother, at times it was very easy for them to forget he existed.

There have been more than one moment over their past fifteen years Donnie had wondered why he was the one who was the odd duck –or turtle- of the family? He had come up to numerous theories and justifications as for why he was different. One such theory was that he had hatched from a different clutch of eggs, and somehow he had been shuffled into the tank at the pet shop where Hamato Yoshi had found them. Another theory where the turtle that was their biological father had mated with two maybe three different female turtles, after all turtles didn't mate for life so it was possible. No matter what the real truth may be, they were for all intents and purposes brothers.

It was difficult being with his brothers at times due to their differing intellects. Leo did make an honest to god effort to have an interest in the inventions and scientific efforts of his younger brother, but it really wasn't in his mind frame. Raph had no patience for the science stuff and rather have the end result not speculations or probability. Mikey on the other hand tried to have an interest in his older brother's efforts, but unfortunately his comprehension level was sorely lacking.

Donnie glanced back at Leo a moment and smiled softly. While Donnie couldn't deny there were times Leo came of as a jerk, he also knew that majority of the time he didn't mean to. Being both the eldest and the leader he was responsible with making sure the mission was complete and that the team made it through in one piece. Leo had their best interests at heart but his desires to protect his family his by-the-book view on ninjitsu blocked his mind to other ways of thinking.

Raph's admission that all the abuse he had been heaping on him all these years had been because he felt responsible for what happened when they had been children. And that it was all in a misguided attempt to make Donnie push himself to be better, all of that was hard for the purple masked turtle to accept. In a way it did make sense, but he still would have preferred it if his brasher older brother had been more supportive and encouraging and less of a bully.

So that only left Mikey, April, and Splinter as people he should have hearts to heart moments with. He surmised he didn't really need Mikey to prove that he cared, because Donnie already knew how much the youngest turtle cared already. In all honesty, Mikey hardly had a mean bone in his body. Yes some of his pranks were mean spirited and he did come into the lab and mess with things. But there wasn't any malice behind it. Most of the time there was just a desire to make his brothers laugh and a childish curiosity. Such as when he created those smoke bombs and Mikey eagerly smashed them with childish glee. None of it was done for ill purposes but was just expression of joy and a desire to have fun. And whenever his actions did make one of his brothers upset he did feel bad about it later and did try to make it up, which made it really hard to remain mad at him for long periods of time.

April he didn't know if he needed a heart to heart with her. He loved her it was true, and as much as he would like to have a serious talk to her about how he felt. He was afraid of doing so because he didn't want her to reject his feelings or worse yet lose her as a friend entirely. And he did love having her as his friend even if that was all he would ever be to her. After all…she was human, he was a mutant and a mutant turtle at that. What sort of life could he expect to have with her? She couldn't live forever in the sewers; she had been reluctant about staying with them when Splinter suggests that she remain in the lair for her safety. But she had lived her life among other humans, she had friends, school mates. She had a father who was being held prisoner by the Kraang, and she was the target of an race of alien creatures who were interested in capturing her for some unknown purpose. And on top of that Shredder and the Foot Clan wanted to capture April even if it was only as a means to bring the Turtles and Splinter out into the open. As much as she appreciated how generous and well-meaning her friends were, Donnie wouldn't have been surprised if she also felt like a prisoner.

Donnie's experience had been the exact opposite. Life in the sewers was the only life he had known, and the only people he had lived his life with were his brothers and father/sensei. His whole life he had been taught to believe that the lair was home and the sewers were a place of safety. And even though the surface was fascinating and filled with wonder, it was also full of danger. The humans that lived up there would not understand their way of life or who they were as people. All they would see were creatures that weren't them. They would see freaks and monsters, something that should be locked away and studied or worse killed off entirely. And for a majority of the population that was true. Heck April even screamed in fright when she had first met him. But she also proved that there are a precious few kindred spirits out there who could truly learn to see beyond appearances and see the people they were underneath.

That left Splinter. One again there wasn't very little doubt that Splinter cared about him. He loved and cared for all his sons, they were the only precious things he left in his life. But to Splinter Donatello was also an anomaly. As a young child, Donnie had always had an unbridled curiosity. He was fascinated with the world around him. He didn't have the same childlike wonder that Mikey did, but it was more like a fierce desire to learn and understand. And when it became more apparent that he was genius that must have been even more challenging for the Ninja Master to deal with because what could a mutant rat of slightly above average intelligence do to keep a young boy with high intelligence mentally stimulated.

His brothers were even harder. Donnie honestly didn't know how to approach them, to him his brothers were had their own way of interacting with one another and that was a way he could not. And that made it hard for Donnie to feel welcomed at times. So he would always sit and watch his brothers play and have fun. This action of course didn't go unnoticed by his brothers of course. Which unfortunately did lead to some rather unflattering conversations on more than one occasion, that was until Leo realized that he wasn't better but rather felt like he didn't belong.

Sighing Donnie and closed his eyes. What made the Shredders temptations so appealing was that he was offering a lab with equipment and supplies that he didn't have easy access to as well as recognition for his achievements and innovations. With his family he had brothers who would say "Fix this Donnie!", "Take care of this Donnie!" "Do things faster Donnie!" Without as much as a "Thank you, Donnie!", "We believe in you, Donnie." Or even a "Let us know where we can help you, Donnie." That wasn't too much to ask, was it?

* * *

April quietly walked into the Dojo. Leo had told her Donatello had said he would be there, before he had left for patrol with Raph and Mikey. Sure enough her eyes fell on Donnie, practicing with his bo staff. Every movement fluid and strong, as though turtle and bo staff we're locked in an eternal dance. Unfortunately the moment was shattered as Donnie made a swift striking move that caused him to gasp in pain as he fell to his knees. The bo staff skidding along the floor.

"Donnie…" April whispered wondering if she should rush into the room, but remains standing where she was. Watching as Donnie got to his feet, walking to where his bo staff had come to rest. Picking it up he started tto go through each motion with his weapon until he once again went ridged in pain and fell to his knees. His breath coming out in heavy exhausted pants as his hands clutched the ugly scars that resided over his biceps. When he started to climb to his feet once more, April called out to him before she realized what she was doing.

"Donnie!" Donnie looked up when he heard his name being called and saw the red head rushing towards him.

"April…" He said tiredly his voice hardly more than a ragged whisper as the human girl knelt before him her eyes full of concern.

"Come on." April said as she helped pull him to his feet and guiding him to the kitchen and having him sit at the table while she looked through the cupboards. "Do you have any hot coco by any chance?" She asked when she wasn't finding what she was looking for. Donnie got up opening one of the cabinets and pulling down a canister from the top shelf.

"We keep this hidden so Mikey doesn't get into it." Donnie said as he handed the canister the human female.

"I guess that makes sense." April answered. "Would you like to make you a cup? My father used to make hot coco for me whenever I was upset."

"Sure," Donnie smiled softly in appreciation as the red head measured some of the coco into a pan with some milk before putting the chocolate powder back onto a shelf cleverly hidden behind a box of pasta and some soup cans. Turning on the stove April softy hummed to herself as she turned on the stove and stirred the chocolate flavored milk until it came to a boil. Once she was sure it was ready she doled it out into two cups. However when she glanced at Donatello her heart felt like it was cracking at the sight of her friend. Donnie was sitting at the concrete island that served as a dining table. His arms folded on the table's surface and his head resting on his arms. His brown eyes holding an almost defeated look, it was difficult for her to see someone so kind and strong looking so lost. Quietly she placed one of the two cups in front of him.

Donnie accepted the cup, but didn't drink it. Instead he just stared down into the depths of the milky brown liquid as though hoping it would offer him he answers he so desperately craved. April took her place directly across from Donnie. She felt she should say something, but what advice did she have to offer to him.

"Have you heard the story of the Scorpion and the frog?" Donnie seemed to say randomly. The question seemed so random April had trouble wondering if this question was something he was addressing to her personally.

"No." April answered.

"It's a story Master Splinter would tell us when we were just children." Donnie stated. "In the story a scorpion wanted to cross the river. Since he couldn't swim he asks a frog to carry him across on his back. The frog agree to this, so long as the scorpion does not sting him. While they were passing through the middle of the river the frog feels a sharp pain in its back and realizes that the scorpion had stung him. 'You fool,' The frog cried as he began to succumb to the scorpion's venom. 'Now we will both perish, why did you break your promise?' The scorpion could only reply that it was because it was his nature."

"Interesting story…" April replied not sure where Donnie was going with this.

"When I was in captivity there was one situation where I was reminded of this story." Donnie answered. "There was one moment where the Shredder had offered me a chance to be part of the Foot Clan. Some of the things he offered were that I would be given a weapon that he felt was more suitable for me, a laboratory with easy access to supplies that are harder for me to acquire, recognition for all my accomplishments. And what scared me most is…is that I wanted that."

"But you chose none of it…" April pointed out.

"Because it would have all been bought with my families' blood," Donnie sighed. "When I was receiving my weapon for the first time, I had expected something close to Leo's ninja-to swords though I also would have settled for the tetsubo or the kama sickles. But none of the weapons I was interested in trying chose me, instead the weapon that chose me was the bo staff. I know that weapon chose me for a reason, but there have been numerous times where I have wished I had been given something else. As for the lab...I want to prove to my brothers that my efforts can be used to benefit everyone…mutants and humans alike. But I also want my brothers to be there for it, to say .

"You are highly intelligent, my son." Splinter stated as he entered the room. "And all of you are capable of many wonderful things, but I know of all of them your talents will have the greatest impact."

"Sensei…" Donnie said. Splinter approached his son, his orange eyes softening in understanding as he placed a hand on his third sons shoulder.

"You made a wise decision to reject the Shredder's offers; it is not easy to withstand the Shredder's temptations." Splinter said "To get what he wants, he will do many things to hurt and break his opponents. He will also offer many things as well; unfortunately he treats his promises the same way he does other people. He will accommodate them, but he will also disregard them one they have served their purpose."

"Hai Sensei," Donnie answered looking back into his cup of coco. April placed a hand on of his, the look in her cerulean blue eyes telling him all that she needed to say. That she knew he was capable of immense wonders and if the world never knew about it, his brothers, his father, and April herself at least would. And that's all that mattered.

"Sensei, when the others return from patrol….please tell them that I'm finally ready to explain all that had happened."


End file.
